So here I am laying in my bed trying to fall alseep at 3:21 a.m. My mind was going through about a million different things, and most of the those things revolve around my exchange. And then it hit me. Like a punch in the gut, a bullseye on the target, I realized that I am actually leaving. This whole year I knew I was leaving, but it has always felt surreal, like it couldnt be happening to me. Like this is to good to be true. But that was months ago. I leave in three weeks, and I am now realizing what all that entails. Its an excited feeling, but at the same time nervewrecking and bittersweet. You know the saying that when your excited/nervous, you have butterflies in your stomach? Well mine aren't butterflies. They are ginormous birds flying in my stomach. And they won't go away. Even though I am unbelievably excited, I have a new feeling with this exchange: I'm scared. I am scared of leaving my mom and sister behind, and I am not sure what all is going to happen. They are going to change so much, and I can't stand the idea that they can't be a part of this expierience with me. I've always been close to my mom, and we always have conversations that last for hours, and I can trust her with everything. It's always been comforting to me to know that she is there for me. I know that next year she will be with me mentally, but not physically, and that in itself scares the crap out of me! And my little sister...is my little sister! It's going to be strange not having her around to annoy, or to annoy me. Sitting here in my bed, I am realizing I only have three more weeks in my bed, my room, my home, my town, my state, my country, and my own family. Starting in three weeks my life will change dramatically, for better or for worse. Change is my worst fear, but I am going to attempt to overcome that. And hope I can get through these next three weeks with out totally freaking out.
Liebe immer,
Katherine
